Pickled Turnips

Pickled Turnips

Granny fills cans with pickled treats

From carrots, cucumbers, and beets

But while drinking her fifth beer

To toast a good canning year

Preserved turnips in whiskey neat

On Christmas Eve she gave me one big jar

Of turnips in whiskey and a cigar

It turned all my poop pink

And pushed me to the brink

So Christmas morning is in the ER

Pickled turnip poop is actually kind of a pretty color


Sitting on my couch

Mind is really blank

I should do a plank

Body in max slouch

I do no exercise

I want to go to bed

But coconuts arise

Inside my sleepy head

My significant other thinks it looks like a testicle. Vote: cute coconut or hairy testicle?

WTF…I can’t draw

WTF…I can’t draw

I’m trying to use a free drawing tool to sketch my first cartoon. It looks like crap. I had to laugh because I can’t figure out how to draw a circle for the eyes – they keep looking like Pac-Mans (Pac-Men???). Oh well. It’s going to be interesting to see how my skill with this drawing tool evolves. By the way, the thing at the bottom is soap with some bubbles.

Baby Shark versus Soap Creep

Baby Shark versus Soap Creep

Standing on his soap box

Booming words of hate

At the public crosswalks

As the people wait

Turn the box upside down

Wash his mouth with soap

Push this creep out of town

Bring back words of hope

But twenty feet to the right

A rainbow flag flies proud

Happy music here to fight

Baby Shark be loud

Background: There’s a very awful, homophobic, loud, disruptive man who stands on top of a crate at a busy corner of Whyte Avenue in Edmonton, yelling hateful messages through a megaphone. However, a group of LGBTQ supporters set up pride flags and upbeat music nearby, and Baby Shark tunes overpowered the other gibberish. It was awesome. 🙂

P.S. please let me know the terms or abbreviations to use if LGBTQ is incorrect.